Beginning of What?
by beave11
Summary: The famous line that was said at the end of Jagathon. They finished running with Bud, but Harm is a little confused with Mac's statement and needs some clarification. Can he be man enough to admit to Mac that he needs her to be a little more clear!
1. Chapter 1

_This is my VERY FIRST fanfic. I have read JAG fanfic while it was still on television, and have recently came back to reading them. I think I might have read almost every JAG fanfic out there! :) However, i never had the courage to write one until now. Not sure how long this story will last. Please review and I am open to any type of reviews, I am very good with constructive criticism. After taking required writing courses in college, I kind of had to be open to constructive criticism. I'm hoping one day to be like several writers out there. You all are a great inspiration to me with writing these fanfics! I know that this storyline has been done before several times, but I still thought to write my version of what should have happen! please let me know what you think if maybe I have something good here! _

Well on with the story! :)

At the Park

1330

After some time later, all four of us cross the finished line. It took a little longer than I expected, but we finally did it. The crowd from earlier in the day had almost all cleared out but with the exception of Harriet, who was patiently waiting for her husband. The married couple quickly embraced in a hug while Sturgis, Mac and myself smiled at the two. Harriet was so proud of Bud for finishing the race as well as the rest of us.

After taking the time to catch our breaths we begin our walk to the parking lot. I'm exhausted, running that race almost twice was torture. I haven't spoken a word almost the entire time we ran because I had so many thoughts going through my head. Actually it was just one Mac's voice kept on repeating in my head saying: 'how about we start back at the beginning'. What in the hell did she mean by that? Was she talking about our friendship or was she suggesting something more. Yeah, of course I wanted something more, but what does she want? Her statement kept running through my head until I hear someone speak up.

"Well everyone, I would love to stay and chat, however I have to get going" Sturgis said to bid his farewell.

"Thank you Commander for running the race again with me so I could finish." Bud shakes hands with Strugis. "Even if it was at a slow man's pace"

"Any time Lt. But I hope that you will still continue to take part in our weekly runs."

"Of course sir. Have a Good night" Strugis smiled at all of us and retreated to his car. Holding onto her hand, Bud turned to his wife. "Well honey, I'm tired and I believe its time that we go retrieve our son from the sitter. Commander, Colonel, I really do appreciate you both for running with me. I know that you did not have to but it means a great deal to me that you choose to do so."

"Bud, you are a dear friend of ours, and we did not hesitate for a second when Sturgis ordered us" Mac explains with a smile. "It has been a long day, now go get your child and spend some quality time with your family. Its an order"

"Yes mam" Bud nods his head with a giant smile.

Mam, sir, I don't know what your plans are for tomorrow, but I am planing on having a small party at our place for those who participated in the race as a celebration." Harriet offers

"Count me in, what should I bring?" Mac asks

"Just bring the Commander and show up around 1500."

"Sounds good." Mac laughs. The young couple turns around and strolls to their van. After watching them drive off, Mac glances at me. "You've been awfully quiet Harm. Is something wrong?"

"Ummm, no...not at all" I say without making eye contact as we continue our journey to our cars. I hope that was enough for her to not ask any more questions.

"You are an awful liar flyboy." Damn it! She knows me too well! "The way that you are not making eye contact with me right now tells me that you are holding something in. It can't be something with me because just a few hours ago we clearly agreed to start at the beginning. Isn't that right?"

"Yes we did agree to that" I simply state. She is giving me that look because she knows that there is more to it but I'm trying to wiggle my way out of it. Though with her current glare, I am starting to feel anxious. A few silent moments pass by and her look causing me to feel flushed. If I sweat anymore, I may pass out from dehydration which actually would get me telling her more. Yeah right, knowing Mac, show won't anything slide with me. "Fine. While we were all running, all I kept on thinking about what was what 'start at the beginning means'. " I let out huge sigh as I look at her. The glare is gone from her face but it's now replaced with a confused look. Maybe I should make it more clear to her. "What I mean is, does starting at the beginning mean starting over with our friendship or does it mean starting at the beginning of something more than just a friendship?" We look at each other for a few seconds in silence. I'm waiting for her to answer but I can tell she is trying to find the right words to say.

"Harm, maybe we should take this conversation someplace else. I don't think we should discuss it in a public park. Maybe something a little more private would be good"

"Yeah, I think you're right. We should probably both head to our places to take a shower and freshen up before we have this talk. Your place or mine?" I ask her

"Yours so you can make me dinner" She says with a smile. God, I love that smile! She reaches her car but stops before opening the door. "Harm, I'll be over after I shower, Does that give you enough time?"

"Yes, Mac. We can talk first and then you can help me make dinner. See you in a little bit" I shoot her one of my flyboy grins. She gets into her car and speeds off. I shake my head as I enter my own car thinking about what I'm getting myself into. Do I really want to have this talk tonight? Maybe we should since we have been putting it off for so long already.

Harm's Apartment

North Union Station

1500 EST

First thing I do when I get home is head straight to the shower. I'm hoping that the water will help me clear my head. I am scared as hell for Mac to come over. I know that this talk is clearly needed but I am nervous that it may get out of hand and one of us is going to get upset and walk out.

I finish drying off and tie the towel around my waist as I head into my bedroom. I slide a pair of boxers and jeans on while I decide on what shirt to wear. Does it really make a difference? I know that its just Mac coming over, but this woman is my best friend and maybe lover if our discussion pans out well tonight. I ultimately decide on a black t-shirt that is semi-fitted.

I finish getting ready and head to the kitchen to see if I have any food in that will please both Mac and I. I begin to explore my cabinets and my fridge with the hope of some kind of idea to pop in my head. Nothing. Great! Well, I do have the right ingredients to make my meatless meatloaf, but I don't think that it will fly with Mac. Maybe we should just order carryout or maybe we should actually just go out for dinner. Ideas are running at lighting speed through my head until they are interrupted by a knock at the door. Now my heart is beating at lighting speed as I think one thing:

I'm doom!


	2. Getting the Words Out

Author's Note: After reading my first installment, I'm very embarrassed with all the mistakes I made. I think I was just excited to get the story out there to hear what people think before I went further in the story that I totally forget some of the things that important for every story. I hope this goes better!

AN2: Since I'm new to writing, and I'm not sure about acquiring a beta-reader. But I'm interested in having one. Can anyone help me in this area? Do I have to fine one or is someone interested in being one for me? Thanks! :)

I am very thankful for all of the reviews, but you all are so nice. Seriously, I have not wrote a fictional story since High School which as been quite a few years ago. I know I have made mistakes so please point them out to me, it will only make me a better writer! :)

Disclaimer: NOT MINE, seriously if they were, things would have been different

**Getting the Words Out**

Mac's POV

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

1600

I can just feel my body shaking as I put my hand up to knock on his door. I can't believe I'm here and doing this. Yeah, I know that this talk between Harm and I is so desperately needed but since now I have been avoiding it. I laugh at myself because I am a Marine and I am willing to sacrifice myself for my country but I am too much of a chicken to shallow my pride and doing something about this thing that's between Harm and I. I think of only one thing...Coward!

I jump several inches as the door violently opens. I look at Harm who looks as handsome as ever with only wearing jeans and a t-shirt. My mind travels off to another world with thinking about Harm's body underneath those clothes. I begin to think about how firm everything would feel underneath my fingertips. It takes Harm several seconds to get my attention.

"Mac...Mac...MAC!" He shouts and I finally come back down to earth. I finally make eye contact with him. "You okay?"

"Oh yeah, I just was thinking about something." I say with a smile. "You look nice."

"Oh this is nothing, however you are the one who looks wonderful tonight" He says with that famous flyboy grin. I look myself over and laugh as I'm only wearing jeans with a pink basic tee shirt. Harm turns around and heads to his kitchen. I quickly follow after shutting the door.

"Harm I know that we agreed to talk and then eat, but I'm starving and I don't think that I will be able to fully put my mind into a conversation that needs my full attention. I'm sorry, but I need food." Perfect timing because my stomach grumbles loudly. Harm laughs.

"Its funny because I'm not at all surprised." He's still laughing.

I produce a glare while I point a finger a him. "Harmon Rabb, I do not want to hear it from you. I just ran a race and half today and I need some food to refuel myself." He finally stops and straightens his posture.

"Yes ma'am!" He salutes me and I just shake my head at him. "I know that we discuss that we were going to make dinner however my kitchen is empty and I only have ingredients that would make my wonderful meatless meatloaf." I open my mouth to say something but he raises his hands in the air to stop me. "Don't even say it. I am not that cruel to make you eat it. So our only options are to order out or go out to eat. You pick"

"I would rather just order out if you don't mind" I'm exhausted and would just like to relax more than anything.

"Sounds great to me! Now the question is what to order out for. Pizza? Chinese? Italian? I am really in the mood for anything?"

"Chinese sounds good" Together we go through his take out menus and call our order in. "Thirty minutes to waste...what should we do until then?" I ask him. I'm not sure if we should start the talk now and stop to eat or just start it afterwards.

"Why don't we just go sit on the couch and start talking and see were it leads us." He raises his eyebrows and I can tell he is hoping that I will agree. I just nod. "Want a water?" I nod again. I slowly walk to the couch and take up the end and drop the throw pillow on my lap with my feet underneath me. Harm follows me with two waters, puts them on the coffee table and sits on the opposite end.

"So..." I have no idea how to start this. I know I have things that I want to say but I'm not sure if I can get it out the way I want it to. I glance at Harm, he is staring at his hands that are clasped together while resting on his lap. We sit there for a few minutes not moving or saying anything. I feel that this is going to be pointless and I'm ready to just walk out that door, but his voice stops me.

"Mac...umm...I want to...umm...I.." For a man who is a great lawyer and is really good with his words, he is really at loss with words with trying to get out whatever he wants to say to me. I look at him and he finally makes eye contact with me.

"Just say it Harm" I tell him with concern

"I just want to say I'm sorry." Huh? What is he apologizing for? I open my mouth to say something but he beats me to he punch. "I'm sorry that I never told you about Renee and me breaking up, and that you had to hear it from Sturgis like that."

"I'm sorry that you didn't feel comfortable with telling me." It was my turn to look down.

"It wasn't that. I just didn't know what would have come of it if I told you. You wouldn't talk to me when I went to go visit you while you were on the Guadalcanal, you shut me out then. Since you came back we have just avoided anything that wasn't related to work. I didn't think that springing it on you that her and I broke up was a good idea.

I carefully listen to everything he says but there is this guilt feeling building up inside me. For him being my best friend, I haven't really been all that great of a friend to him.

"It would have been better if I would have heard the news from you, but it doesn't help that I've been pushing you away. It's just..." I pause for a second to think of the right words. I take a big breath and I just let it all out "Everything was happening so fast and I was having a hard time thinking straight. There was your crash, the cancellation of the wedding, Mic leaving, and then you leaving for Renee's father's funeral. My emotions were all over the place, the only thing I could do was to push you away so I could feel that I had control over something. I blamed you for everything while I should have put the blame on myself. Everything that happened was my fault." At this point I am in tears. I feel so horrible for doing what I did to Harm, he didn't deserve to get the cold shoulder from me. Harm scoots closer to me and puts an arm around my shoulders and I lean on him. I cry for a little longer until he puts his hands on my cheeks and raises my head so I can look him in the eyes.

"Mac, listen to me...none of this is your fault. Truthfully, I am the one to blame for most of it. It's my fault that I went down in that storm, I could have waited till the next day to get back. It was my choice to fly back that night not yours."

"Yeah, but that was because I was insisting on you being there at my wedding. I made a big deal out of the possibility of you not being there. You didn't want to let me down so you did everything you could to get back, even if it cost you your life!" My head is still in his hands while I start crying again. Thank goodness that I didn't put on any make up before I came here or I might look like a train wreck right now.

"Yet you came through and saved my life once again. But like I said Mac, flying back that night was my choice. You know how stubborn I am so matter what anyone would have said to me, I was going to get back to your wedding even if it meant flying to grave!" He was so confident in what he said, there was no way I was going to argue with him. But he was right about something.

"I'm glad you can finally admit it flyboy, you are stubborn." I say with a smile.

He smiles back at me and pulls me into a hug. This hug is just want I needed and it feels good to be in his arms. The door bell rings reminding us that we are both hungry. We both stand up to go retrieve our food. It is a perfect time to take a break for food and to calm down and re-focus. I have a feeling that once we continue our talk again, its going to get intense again.


	3. Chapter 3

SORRY! My plan was to post something earlier this past week, but things got a little hectic. I took the NCLEX last Monday, then a few days later I found out I PASSED! Sorry I have been on a long tough emotional roller-coaster these past few months but I'm finally relieved that I'm an RN. Now i just have to fine a job! :)

Disclaimer: Not mine, never was, and never will be!

I'm thinking that there is one more chapter left to finish this long story, however I have a few ideas to make this Story in a LONG one! Let me know what you think cause if I get plenty of suggestions to make it longer, then i will! REVIEW PLEASE! :)

On with the story...

MAC'S POV

Harm's Apartment

Union Station

1730

While eating our dinner at his dinning room table, Harm and I engage in simple conversation, mostly about the events that occurred at the race. We both laugh about Gunny and Tiner acting like immature boys and wonder how pissed the Admiral was about not being able to finish the race. I think we both try hard to avoid any subject concerning the two of us. We are taking the time to eat as a mental break. However, I feel that our dinner time went rather quickly and we are already cleaning up our mess. Once the last carton is thrown out and the last glass is washed, I head back to my spot on the couch.

Harm heads to his bathroom while I ponder on what else I want to talk about. I feel really good so far with what we have accomplished, even though it really isn't much. I've really cried my heart out once and Harm was there to hold me and comfort me. If things get tense again, I know Harm will be there again.

Before I know it, Harm is back sitting at his spot on the couch. We are playing the silence game again, but I know it is my turn to start it off.

"Harm, can I ask you a question"

"Of course, Mac" He says with concern.

"Was the only reason why you came to the Guadalcanal was so you would get a chance to talk to me?" This question has been in the back of my mind for a quite a while now and it was been tearing at me to know the answer.

"Yes of course Mac, once I saw that there was legal personal requested to the ship, I jumped as fast I could at that opportunity. I needed to see you and talk to you so bad" That look he has in his eyes is so heart-breaking as it almost look like he was going to cry.

"Well I bet my attitude along with my behavior was a bit of a surprise for you once you came aboard." I confessed while adding a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I surely wasn't expecting it." He is avoiding eye contact with me. "And then when we were able to start a conversation, you ran off before we could get anywhere."

"But you couldn't say anything Harm, I mean I asked you a question of what you would give up, and you give me an answer. I wasn't going to just wait around for something that I didn't want to hear." I was starting to get annoyed remembering that situation. Whenever Harm beats around the bush and can't directly say what he wants to, I become irritated

"But the thing is that I did answer you, Sarah." At this point he is looking right at me and grabs for my hand. I didn't even try to pull away because I'm stunned that he uses my real name.

"What do you mean you answered the question? Harm, you stood there like a deer in the head lights when I asked it. Are you telling me that it took you that long to answer it, it took me withstand a minute of silence before I walked away." I am trying to solve my confusion. I don't remember him even coming close to answering me.

"My answer was that I would give up Renee for you. However, when I finally got it out in the open, you were already gone and when I chased you down, you were standing next to Gunny and our conversation was over before it really even started and there was nothing I could do." He is trying so hard for me to understand that he did answer my question. I have tears in my eyes because I realize that he did give me the answer that I wanted. He would give her up for me; however I was being just as stubborn as he and wouldn't wait around for an answer.

"Then why did it take you so long to answer the question?" I choke on tears between each word causing it to take forever to get the sentence out. He pulls me into a hug to console me.

"Because I was scared. Sarah, I had no idea what you would do once I confess everything. I mean, you just cancelled your wedding. Would you really be ready for something new? Yeah I wanted to talk to you and let you know how I felt, but a part of me felt that maybe it would be to soon for you. I didn't want to overwhelm you."

"Too late flyboy, you overwhelmed me by what you did on the Admiral's porch" I say to him with a smirk. He laughs as the tension between us settles a little "One more question; what do you mean 'confess everything'"? You only said that you would give Renee up for me. Was there something more that you plan to tell me in that room before I solely decided to end the conversation? What else did you wanted to tell me?"

"Well, I wanted to…umm…" Yep, I caught him by surprise on that one. He takes a deep breath and continues. "I wanted to tell you that I love you."

I think now I'm the one who is a deer in the head lights. Did Harmon Rabb Jr. just tell me that he loves me? I don't know if I want to just kiss him or slap him across the face. I open my mouth to say something, but once again that night, Harm beats me to it.

"Mac, Sarah, you don't have to say anything. I know that this is a lot for you to take in tonight. But I just wanted to let you know what my true feelings for you are. That is why I wanted to have this conversation with you tonight. You confused me earlier today with saying that you wanted to start at the beginning. I didn't know if that met at the beginning of a friendship or if you wanted to start at something more." He is starting to get a little antsy now.

I let out a deep breath. "How flyboy, you certainly know how to surprise me." I smile and so does he.


	4. Chapter 4

I wish that I could write these chapters faster, but I feel like if I rush them, they wouldn't be very good. I've been house sitting for the past week and it has allow me time to write because there is no internet so I don't have any distractions. I've read my previous chapters a couple of times and I wish that I could change a few things but oh well, I can just do better from here on out.

Thank you for those who review, you all give me more motivation to write. So please keep on reviewing!

Disclaminer: seriously? They are not mine.

Harm's Apartment

North Union Station

1800 EST

Harm's POV

I've never been good with words. Well I mean with words of expressing my feelings. Maybe it's the fear of rejection or maybe it's the fear of things not working out down the road. It could be to blame from being at a young age of losing my father and living with holding my emotions inside to show others that I was strong. However, tonight I finally did it! I finally told Sarah Mackenzie that I loved her. Since my crashing in the Ocean, I have been beginning to think that you never know what can happen in life. I'm coming close to the age of 40 and I don't want to be standing around wishing that I would have done something to make a life with Mac. I think once I got the words out of my mouth, I must have held my breath till she responded because once she said that I know how to surprise her I let out a huge sigh.

"Are you telling me that you, Miss Sarah Mackenzie do not like surprises?" I tease with one my own smiles.

"No, not at all, it just that I was not expecting to hear you say that. No offense Harm, but you don't have the greatest track record of telling someone how you feel. Though I believe that I've always thought that there was something there though I just told myself if you felt something you would have said something. But then again, you did say on the Admiral's porch that there is someone that will always love me. At that time I just made myself believe that you meant you loved me as a friend, but tonight I feel different." She stops for moment while she looks at the ground. She then looks up at my eyes; she looks like she is going to start to cry again. "That's what you mean right…you love me more than just a friend."

Oh god, she second guessing everything and if I don't do something she will pull away. I scoot across the couch so that I'm sitting right next to her and then I pull her onto my lap. She relaxes in my arms and rests her head against my shoulder. "Oh Sarah, I love so much more than just a friend. Yes, I love you like a friend, like a best friend. But, I also love you as a woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with." I stop for a second to keep my composure. Before I begin again, I hear her take a loud breath. "Sarah, I love you for the woman that you are. You are strong, independent and you don't take crap from anyone, especially from me. You challenge me in everything that I do, and you have made me a better person for it. I love that you have saved my life multiple times and you never hesitate while doing so. Sarah, I love you more than life itself."

"Then why?" Sarah sits up and turns her head so that she is staring straight at me.

"Why what?" She is confusing me. Didn't I just explain to her why I love her? I don't know if I have it left in me to say it all again.

"Why now? Why couldn't you say it before? Why couldn't you have said it before I came that close to walking down the isle?" She is breathing really fast. I can't tell if she is angry, sad or what.

"I don't like to do things in the traditional way." I always like adding humor to situations like this just to relieve any last remain tension.

"Well no shit Harm!" She laughs. "But seriously, why now and not before?"

"I have recently realized that there are some things in life that you can just simply watch from the sidelines. Sarah, I faced the truth of my feelings towards you a while ago. But the one thing I know was if you love someone, the most important thing is to make sure that person is happy even if it is with someone else."

"In this case, me being happy with Mic" I think I just saw the light bulb turn on above her head.

"Yeah, I could never really tell if you truly loved Mic, but it wasn't my place to question it. Well up until our little conversation on the Admiral's porch. For some reason that night, I had the feeling that you were very hesitant about everything. I would have confessed my love for you that night, but like I said before I didn't want to overwhelm you. I mean we were at your engagement party, I think that I would have been a little too much for another man to tell you that he loves you. Then when the wedding was cancelled I thought I'd have my chance but Renee's father died and when I got back you were gone on that TAD assignment."

"And you took that case so you could see me" She nodded while finishing the story. Thankfully she had a smile on her face so I knew that we are still on the same page.

"What about back in Sydney? You couldn't say anything then, you basically pushed me away."

"I wasn't trying to push you away. I just said not yet. Sarah, I was still trying to get my life back in order from returning from flying. I felt out of place once I stepped foot in the JAG office again. I didn't want to get in a committed relationship when my life wasn't in a steady position. It wouldn't be fair. I told you not yet so you would understand that I was interested but the timing wasn't right. I guess my choice of words weren't exactly the best to allow you to understand that because you went off with Mic's ring shortly afterwards."

She is still sitting straight up in my lap. She is not saying anything but shakes her head and just laughs. "Well our communication skills just suck between each other." I look at her strangely trying to understand what she is saying. "I mean we are highly educated individuals but we are incapable of expressing our love for one another."

I suddenly start coughing on my own breath but I'm not sure if I just heard her right. "Mac….Sarah, did you… you just say…" I am so dumbfounded at the moment that my brain can even function at the moment.

"You lost at words there Harmon" She smiles at me giving me the understanding that she knows exactly what she just said. The little boy in me is jumping up and down because the woman that I love just indirectly confessed her love for me. Before I realize it, I place my hands on her cheeks and finally place my lips upon hers. My intentions were only to give a small peck, however it did not end up going that way. Once our lips meet, Mac's arms go around my shoulders and she leans passionately into the kiss. My hands go from her cheeks to her waist while we make out like two love-struck teenagers. After a few minutes we finally stop to catch our breaths.

"Wow!" We simultaneously say together. We look at each other and laugh, and then she relaxes into my arms.

"If I would have known that making out with you would be that good, I would have done it along time ago." I say with a giant smile on my face.

"I was thinking the same thing, though I didn't want to say and give your giant ego another boost flyboy." After her comment, we both start laughing. I was on planning our evening to head in this direction, but right now, I am not complaining.


End file.
